there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
