So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
