well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
