I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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