yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The air was thick with penises
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
