i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
