my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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