my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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