The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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