We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
