worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
