I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
