with your own penis?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I supernannyed him into submission
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
