He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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