he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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