i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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