I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
