That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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