haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
