he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
