it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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