Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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