Even the bartender felt bad for me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
