Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
