who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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