I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize