dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
