So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I smell stomach acid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
