You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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