There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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