She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
