What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
