So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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