I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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