Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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