My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
