All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
