I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
