): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
