It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
