i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
