I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize