hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
