My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
