nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize