Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
