I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
