dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
