Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize