This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
