her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
