We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
