During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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