worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
