Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
