Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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