I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
