Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
