I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
