He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
