Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize