How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
