my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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