listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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