I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
