im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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