Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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