The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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