My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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