New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
