physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
