he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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