counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
