remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You are the jesus of drinking
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
