Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
