Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
