Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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