she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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