respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
