just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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